Author's Note: This is the full short story but if it's well received I could expand further.
1. New experiences
I've been kinky for as long as I can remember. It's made dating complicated but not impossible, so I considered myself very fortunate when I met Joanna online. I was a bondage enthusiast and she was a dominant. We had a wonderful couple of years exploring our fetishes. Lots of leather, chains and gags. The usual BDSM affair.
She was a criminal psychiatrist and had been in the field for over twenty years, working in different institutions accross the country. This initially gave me pause for thought. I couldn't help but worry I was being "read" in some way for the first few months of our time together. Eventually though I managed to get over it. For one, she was loaded. Once we moved in together it was agreed that I would take care of the household and she would pay the bills. Worked for me. I had always had submissive tendencies so the role of "housewife" suited me happily. Secondly, she was a kind and thoughtful person. Ever understanding and not to mention extremely attractive and kinky as hell. I would be a fool to spoil things by overthinking and worrying unnecessarily. Frankly, I felt I had hit the jackpot.
Eventually, her work even began to intrigue me. I'd often heard of padded cells and institutional restraints and the like. The internet spoiled me for images of strait jackets and segufix style bed bondage. Countless straps holding a person down, not knowing how long they'd be kept there. Long white hallways lined with locked doors. Canvas and padded white walls. In truth, I began to fetishise such things. Seeing her come home from work in her crisp uniform and with her hair pulled up into a tight pony tail was always a pleasure for me. Quietly, I dreamed of being her patient for a day and would imagine what that would be like often.
So, naturally, I began to probe. I asked if the institution she works in had a padded cell? "Yes" she would reply curtly. "Sometimes patients are unstable to the point they have to be restrained but I like to keep my work and home life seperate." Apparently she had a lot of trouble mentally balancing her desire to bind and dominate someone and make them helpless with her natural inclination to care for people.
I could understand. That must be complicated mentally. It was pretty evident she didn't want to discuss it much but my obsessions only grew with time. Eventually I couldn't keep myself from asking if it would ever be possible to spend a day in the institution she worked in.
She replied "Oh... no." with a lilt to her voice and looked away. "The people in my care are mostly criminal and dangerous. Even if I could bring you in for a stay and not lose my job I don't think the reality would match whatever you've seen on the internet. Nurses aren't porn stars. It's not much of a life once you're in the system."
This didn't do much to dissuade my brain from fantasising about it anyway.
Eventually, I decided to test the waters further. If I couldn't have what I dreamed of I reasoned I could at least create a facsimile of it at home. After some research and much anticipation I surprised her with a posey strait jacket. Imported and expensive but an exquisite piece of kit. Thick white canvas and heavy duty straps and buckles. When I presented it to her she seemed elated, actually, which surprised me. With our earlier discussions in mind I expected her to be at least a little hesitant.
With wide eyes and a big grin she exclaimed "You know, I can't enjoy these things at work, I have to be professional. I'm very happy we get to share this pleasure at home." She took the jacket off my hands and unfolded it to examine it closer. She looked up and said "Now, take your clothes off." This was an instruction I'd received many times in our previous games and I dutifully obliged. She quickly applied it to me, sliding my arms into the long sleeves. Several straps ran down my back and were tightened just enough to keep me constantly aware of them but not so tight the jacket became uncomfortable. My arms were pulled through a thick loop on the front of the jacket and were secured behind me. This kept me from raising my arms above my stomach, snugly wrapping them around my belly. A crotch strap was threaded between my thighs and was also secured behind me, preventing me from pulling the jacket up over my head. The whole process felt like it took only moments. She had clearly done this before.
Her eyes peering over the top of her glasses she quietly explained with a small smirk that "These things are designed to be humane. Legally speaking, if you're going to restrain a person long term against their will they have to be comfortable. They can't produce pressure sores or cut blood off to the extremities. Which is just as well, as I'm keeping you in it until tomorrow. Thank you David, this was a wonderful surprise and I'm so glad you got the proper equipment."
I replied with a smile that I wanted authenticity. I tested my bonds unconsiously. My arms were immobilised. The straps yielded ever so slightly but I may as well have been an amputee at that point. The reality of what she just said sunk in.
I sat crosslegged on the floor, giving myself a hug I couldn't let go of. She was stood over me, looking down her nose. I raised my head and cocked it quizzically. I asked if I'm wearing this until tomorrow how will I eat? Or go to the bathroom for that matter?
She stooped and rested a hand on my cheek. She locked her eyes with mine. There was something in the look she was giving me that I couldn't quite place. "Well, that's what I'm here for, isn't it?"
And, it was. I was helpless as a babe. She looked after me well. I admired her professionalism. This wasn't a usual scene between us. No roleplaying, no sexy outfits or leather straps. Just her and I. I was helpless and in her care.
We parked ourselves on the couch and watched TV as this wasn't a BDSM scene, exactly. Just me in bondage. Nothing else. She sat upright with me resting my head on her lap while she gently stroked my hair. Later, she spoon fed me our dinner together. I was surprised at how long it took, with her methodically scooping and holding my food to my mouth, watching me intently as I dutifully chewed and swallowed, opening my mouth for the next spoonful. I felt infantile. Utterly dependant. Frankly, it was bliss.
I struggled to feel comfortable with asking her to help me toilet. It felt like a step too far and a little too weird. I ended up holding it until I was severely uncomfortable. Ultimately though I couldn't hold it forever and sheepishly had to ask her to help me.
"Of course." she replied with a warm smile. "I was wondering if you were ever going to ask. Wait there." She lifted me off her lap and stood up to walk out of the room. She returned moments later with her hair tied up in the high ponytail I had come to love and now sporting a pair of disposable rubber gloves.
"Come with me then." she said curtly. I noticed her demeanor had changed. Her posture was straight and business-like. Her smile was gone. I figured she'd mentally slipped into "work mode" which made sense. This wasn't exactly going to be a pleasant business. She waited for me to stand and walk over to the living room door where she stood with her arms crossed in front of her. The curve of her breasts gently resting on her forearms. I noticed she was watching my feet as I walked accross the room.
"We'll have to do something about that." she said gesturing to my ankles. Presumably she didn't like that I was able to walk around so freely. Truth be told, neither did I.
Despite my humiliation, standing bound and naked from the waist down and my genitals completely exposed, I was intensely aroused. That arousal was clearly visible. She uncrossed her arms and perched a hand on her hip. The other she pointed to my erection. "And you have to do something about that, for obvious reasons."
I replied that I wasn't entirely sure I could, under the circumstances. To which she rolled her eyes and gave a straight "Fine."
She grabbed the thick loop on the front of the jacket and lead me to the bathroom. She turned away and left the room to head to the bedroom with a quick "Wait there." She returned in moments with a tube of lubricant in her hand. My erection was throbbing, none of our other games had ever turned me on so much. It was exhilerating to be so helpless and vulnerable. I'd experienced a feeling very close to this before with our other bondage games but there was someting about this situation that amplified everything tenfold. This wasn't our everyday BDSM. I felt like her patient for the first time.
She once again placed a hand on my cheek and said softly "I'm going to undo the crotch strap now. Be good for me and behave."
I nodded and waited for her to do so. After which she sat me down onto the toilet and gently but firmly spread my legs apart. Wordlessly she liberally applied lube to my shaft and began to work it. Her other hand reached towards my face, her thumb and forefinger gently pinched under my chin and she raised my head so my gaze met hers.
I saw that unknown look again in her eyes and I realised what it was. This wasn't an act of passion. This was clinical. My arousal wasn't wanted or desired. My erection was in the way of her doing her job so she was merely doing what was required to get rid of it. With these thoughts rushing through my mindour eyes locked together.
She gave a one word command. Her face was emotionless but her eyes were so focused and intense as she stated "Cum."
I did. Immediately. It was arguably the strongest orgasm I had ever experienced. She kept my face in line with hers, meeting my eyes through every powerful convulsion. It is something I will never forget, I hope.
The job done she released my chin and I hung my head, panting. She removed and disposed of the lube sodden glove, replacing it with a fresh one from her pocket. She dried and cleaned my now flaccid cock and pushed it into the toilet bowl between my legs.
She took a step back and once again folded her arms. "Now, do what we're here to do, please."
It took several minutes. My arousal was gone and all that was left was my helplessness and embarrassment. It was humiliating. I'd never had to do this with an audience before and it felt so unusual. My head still hung I could feel her eyes bore into my scalp as she stood there silently, waiting for me to do as I was told. Eventually, a steady flow began and I emptied my bladder. The only sound in the room the flow of water ringing off the tiled walls. The stream ended and I looked up. She arched an eyebrow and stated firmly "You're not done. We're going to bed after this and I don't want you waking me up in the middle of the night because you need help again." I sighed rather pathetically and hung my head in shame again.
Thankfully this was easier. Presumably because my mind had already lowered its guard and my body was suitably relaxed enough down there to continue. So I evacuated silently, while she watched, and waited. I raised my head and she stepped towards me and placing her hands under my elbows she gestured for me to stand up, which I did. Placing one hand on my back and another at the top of my thigh she gently pushed to instruct me to bend over, to which I complied. She cleaned me in silence, threaded the crotch strap back into place and had me stand straight again.
Now, when I looked at her, she was smiling softly. The work done she was more relaxed.
With slight incline of her head she said "Come on now, lets get to sleep, it's late and I have work tomorrow."
We went to bed, she hugged me, kissed me softly on my forehead and I slept next to her in my new favourite item of clothing. I think that was the best nights sleep I had in my life.
Come morning, she released me. I had a mix of emotions. Relief to have my independance returned but also somewhat sad that it was over. I expressed my desire to do that again sometime and she, now back to her normal self assured me that "We definitely will."
And we did. Over the next few months we repeated the scenario multiple times. I confess the novelty eventually waned but her enthusiasm for repeated similar sessions remained. If anything, she became more committed to the idea of having me physically dependant on her. It was becoming a thing even if I wasn't particularly in the mood. Don't misunderstand, I still loved it, but I also still desired more. I wanted to feel the same way I did that first time. More than once I mentioned this to her as casually as I could.
She one day came home with a pair of medical restraints for my ankles, reducing me to have to very slowly shuffle around when I was "under her care". That was a fun addition and finally I realised I should be grateful for what I have, and I was. I decided to stop pushing for more, we were both doing something we enjoyed and really, that was enough.
So, nearly a year later of routinely sharing this experience together you can imagine my surprise when she said over dinner, holding a spoon to my face, that she has "Had an idea." And "I think you're going to love it."
2. In Transit
The plan was relatively straight forward, actually. I was to be a "transfer patient" for a twenty four hour stay. Kind of a "midway stop" at the institution she worked at before being sent to another institution accross the country. That would be our story anyway. Her level of security access meant she could forge the necessary paperwork to have me admitted and released the next day.
Essentially, she had invented an inmate of another institution that could "no longer cater to their needs" and I was to assume this false identity.
She presented me with some rather sizable looking documents and explained that they were routine admission papers. I was to sign them with this assumed name and then she would discretely feed them into the system at work. On paper everything would be above board so nobody would have cause to enquire further of my history. Using a fake name made sense, not least of which because it was probably not wise to have my real name anywhere on their system.
The complicated part would be getting me in and out but she had an idea for that too, apparently.
I was elated. My excitement was dizzying. A real padded cell in a real institution. My fantasies had focused on such an experience, further enhanced by the games we'd been playing at home, for so long I eagerly signed the pretend name on every line she pointed at. I didn't stop to think. Or read, for that matter. When would an opportunity like this ever present itself again? I'd be an idiot to pass it up.
Satisfied she scooped up the paperwork and placed it into her work bag. When she turned back to face me she had become sombre. She leaned forward in her chair with her hands clasped tightly in front of her.
"David, you're going to have to follow my instructions precisely. I am taking a huge risk for us to have this experience together. Do not speak to anybody. Do you understand? The second we walk through those doors you are mute. You do not say a single word to anybody. Not one soul. Swear this to me David. What we're doing is against the law. More will happen to me than just losing my job if anyone has any reason to think you should not be there."
I enthused that I understood completely and expressed how extremely grateful I was for this chance at something I thought I would only ever dream of. This is the ultimate bondage experience I assured her. I was not going to screw it up.
Seemingly pleased she leaned back grinning and said "This is going to be amazing, for all intents and purposes you're going to be my patient for real. I'll have to remain professional of course, but we will both know the truth. You'll be in that cell just for me. It's going to be great."
It was going to take a couple days for everything to be ready and thankfully they flew by. Before I knew it the day of my "commitment" had arrived and I was giddy with anticipation.
Looking back I should have asked a lot more questions. Any questions, really, but I was so overwhelemed I just didn't stop to think. Also, looking back, how could I have possibly known what to expect?
It was late on a Friday night. The sun had gone down and we got into her car for the drive. She was in uniform. Her hair pulled high and she sported a pair of smart heeled shoes. We chatted happily through the journey, which took a couple of hours. I pointed out that I thought her work was closer and she replied cheerfully "It is, but I can't just turn up at the front door with you in tow and expect to just walk right in can I? There are procedures. So, we're going to a pick up location first. Don't worry, I have it all planned out."
It made sense to me, she was quite right. It wasn't like we were just going to a motel. So when we pulled up behind a large armoured looking black van I understood how we were going to do this.
We got out of the car and she retrieved a bag out of the trunk, her heels clicking on the tarmac. We walked up to the rear of the van, which was apparently unlocked as she strode straight up to it and swung open the doors. Rapidly sweeping her arm to gesture me inside quickly. I hopped in and she slammed the doors behind me.
Now inside, the overhead light switched on and I was startled to see a wheelchair secured to the side of the van. It wasn't a normal looking wheelchair. It was high backed with solid panels behind where the legs would rest, ending in protuding plates to place the feet. It was absolutely covered in secure looking straps. The seat had a hole carved out of the middle, making it resemble a toilet seat. There was nothing underneath the seat. I turned to Joanna looking for an explanation and saw her rumaging through the bag she had brought. From it she produced what I recognised as a bright orange prisoner uniform.
She thrust the outfit into my hands and whispered urgently "Put this on, quickly, the driver will be back soon."
I didn't hesitate, I changed as quickly as I could. The fit wasn't great but I figure such things aren't exactly professionally fitted for each person. While I was changing she was preparing the chair. It looked incredible and I found myself wishing we had one at home.
Once dressed appropriately she sat me down and placed my arms onto the armrests of the chair. On each arm a strap was secured around the wrist and forearm, and then another over the bicep. Once both arms were immobilised (a sensation I was very familiar with by now) she fastened further straps individualy around my ankles, my shins and my thighs. I assumed that was all there was to it but she continued. Thicker traps were placed over my stomach and my chest. Just how secure did people need to be kept in this place? I wondered to myself. This seemed like overkill. Even more so when further straps were placed over the tops of my feet.
I had never felt so restrained in my life. I could not move an inch in any direction. I was pinned into a seated position. The sensation was wonderful and I predictably became aroused immediately.
She didn't appear to notice as after securng my feet she produced a small bag made of mesh which she deftly slipped over my head. She turned away to face the front of the van which I noticed had no window between the passenger section and the driver. Just a solid steel plate and what looked like a small hatch that opened from the other side.
I asked what it was she'd just put on my head and she replied "Spit guard." without looking at me. She slammed her hand twice onto the dividing panel and turned back to me. She must have seen my enormous smile as when she looked at me I saw her shoulders slump into a more relaxed position. She smiled back softly, took my head into her hands and kissed me gently on the forehead. I couldn't feel it properly through the mesh but the gesture filled me with warmth. Any reservations I'd had up to this point (which I confess, were few) melted away. I trusted her and I knew I was safe in her care.
I heard the drivers door open and slam shut. Footsteps made their way to the back of the van. I tensed involuntarily against my bonds. She gently pressed my head onto the high board of the wheelchair and secured yet another strap over my forehead.
"Don't worry." she whispered as she fastened the final piece of my restraint, a strap under my chin fastened to a spot above my head. Every square inch of my body was now immobilised. As if on cue, as soon as my bondage was complete I heard a loud click as the van doors were locked. The footsteps travelled back to the drivers door, which opened and slammed shut. The engine started.
I guessed this was it. I was officially off to have my once in a lifetime experience. I was already experiencing things I could only dream of. I could not wait.
Once we were moving Joanna sat on a bench opposite my chair. Her hands clasped as they did before, she leaned forward and reiterated "Remember, do not say a word." I gave as much of a nod as I could, which was more of a tiny jerk, but she saw my affirmation. Leaning to her side she picked up her bag and stuffed my clothes into it. She paused and seemed to be debating someting internally, her brow was furrowed into a frown. She appeared to come to whatever decision she was coming to and reached further into the bottom of the bag. She pulled out a syringe. I tensed again, uselessly. The myriad of straps covering my body cut into me. Firmly, but not painfully. I asked what it was for.
Popping the cap off and exposing the needle she glanced at me and replied "I'm going to sedate you now. It wont knock you out but you're going to feel very drowsy for a few hours. You'll struggle to think straight but it will keep you calm." I asked why it was necessary and expressed that I wasn't keen on the idea at all but she shook her head gently. "All patients are sedated during transit. It would raise eyebrows if you weren't."
I still didn't like the idea but there wasn't anything I could do besides protest verbally, which she promptly ignored. I was stuck in the thigh and felt the fluid enter my body as the plunger was pushed down. Almost immeditely my vision became foggy. I tried to speak but my mouth wouldn't obey my brains commands. I could feel myself drool as I tried to say something. All I could produce were vowel sounds and grunts. Before long, as was explained to me, I couldn't form thoughts well enough to convey anyway. I was awake but my mind seemed distant.
She sat back down opposite me and played with her phone for the rest of the trip.
3. Patient 2397
The next couple of hours are a blur. I can only recall vague snapshots in my mind. I remember the drive a little. Or at least a sense of what was going on. The steady drone of the engine, the sensation of accelerating and descelerating and turning corners. All while firmly secured into a seated position. I suppose, looking back, I should be grateful for the sedation. I can imagine I would have felt some panic worryng about if we crashed or if something else went wrong. I'd be stuck and unable to protect myself from harm.
Instead I just calmly floated on my way to my new home for the next twenty four hours. I recall the doors swinging open and floodlights momentarily blinding me. I remember a very large and stern looking man help Joanna steer me down the ramp of the van and towards a large and heavy looking set of doors. The wheelchair jostling me helplessly as it went over an occasional bump. Lights swept over my head as I was wheeled down a long hallway. I remember the click of her heels behind me, reassuring me that she was still there and I was safe.
My mind was slightly clearer by the time we arrived at the in-patient registration desk. I could still feel myself drooling slightly. It was annoying that I couldn't wipe my face. I still couldn't speak properly, not that I would have anyway. I was being honest when I said I would do as I was told. I didn't think the sedatives were necessary, I didn't know why she felt they were. I would have behaved.
I heard Joannas voice go vaguely back and forth with the receptionist. I couldn't see over the desk from where I was parked. I heard the words "high risk", "dangerous" and "delusional". I suppose padded cells aren't for low maintenence patients. The receptionist spoke brielfy on the phone. I caught the words "Patient 2397" but nothing else.
A loud buzzing shouted from the door ahead of us, the sound of a heavy mechanical lock snapped open as the very large man swung it open. I was wheeled through by Joanna leaving the man behind. I was completely powerless against what was happening to me. The reality of what I was doing began to sink in. I tensed against my restraints again and my breathing became heavier. Joanna gave a quiet "Hush, we're nearly there."
After turning a few corners and passing an uncountable number of doors we reached an elevator. Inside the wall was mirrored and I saw myself for the first time. It was extremely arousing seeing myself so completely restrained. Joanna leaned down and whispered "Suits you." into my ear. We descended to our destination. It felt like a long way down. The door opened and there were two more tall and strong looking men waiting by a sturdy looking metal door. Orderlies, presumably. They didn't look happy to see me. One slid a key card through a slot and again I heard the sound of heavy mechanical locks operating. The door was opened and a solid floor plate almost as wide as the door was placed over the threshold, ending about halfway into the room. I was wheeled inside on top of it.
Momentarily I was confused. Everything was blue. The room was small. Only large enough for maybe five full steps in each direction. The ceiling looked tall enough to be too high to touch the ceiling, but not by much. I expected the walls to be white and to look like cushions or canvas but instead they were a calming blue with a sheen of plastic or rubber. The orderlies appeared on each side of me from behind and began loosening my restraints. I was thinking more clearly but my body was still very slow to respond.
Once all my fastenings were removed an arm was inserted under each armpit and I was lifted out of the chair. I tried to stand but my legs wouldn't respond. I couldn't support my own weight. Joanna pulled the chair and board out of the room through the door behind me.
I heard her re-enter the room and tell the orderlies that I was a high self harm risk. They responded by stripping me naked. I was gently placed on the floor. It was soft and spongy and I sank into it. I was lying on my side facing a blue wall. I mustered all the strength I could and rolled over to try and see Joanna. I managed to get to my other side just in time to see the door close with a heavy thud. But for the faint outline of it, I wouldn't even know there was a door there. There were no windows. I heard the lock loudly click back into place. I was officially trapped in a padded cell. Just as I wanted. Naked, and alone.
A panel on the door, around head height and also covered with blue padding swung open. Through it I could hear the voices of the orderlies as they walked away, their footsteps receding. Joannas face appeared at the hole in the door. I raised my head to look at her as much as I could. She smiled. A genuine joy filled smile. Full of warmth. She looked so happy.
She simply said, her voice just above a whisper, "Caught you. Good night, David."
The panel closed. The light went out. I could faintly hear the clicking of her heels as she walked away.
I was so exhausted. The floor was so soft. I couldn't help but fall asleep.
4. 24 Hours
I have no idea how long I slept for. The thing about this room is it's impossible to tell the passing of time. What I do know is I woke up before anybody came to see me. However, the lights had been turned on at some point, which might have been what woke me. The sedatives had worn off leaving only a faint headache.
I sat myself upright, scooted myself into a corner away from the door and took a proper look at my cell. I'd sized it fairly accurately the night before despite the mess my brain was in. Five or so normal steps would take me from one side to another. Above me in the center of the ceiling was a small grated vent, emitting a low hum. The sound was barely noticeable. Shuffling myself under it I could feel a subtle breeze flowing into the cell. Considering how sealed this room was it made sense to have an air con pumping fresh air.
Next to it was a single florescent bulb, protected behind a clear plate affixed with screws into the ceiling.
In one corner of the ceiling, to the left of the door, was the recognisable shape of a small, black and domed surveilence camera. A red LED was shining on its frame below the bulb.
I stood up and explored my very limited surroundings. The walls, on closer inspection, resembled the blue gym mats I used to see in school. Clearly more specifcally crafted for the task at hand however. They were firm but spongy and coated in what I could only assume was a type of polymer. Wipe clean, I thought to myself. There were seams in between each "mat" that had been attached to the walls. I counted three on each side, not including where they'd been broken up by the door.
The exit looked almost identical to the other walls, the same length and height but with the faint outline of a door on it. Set at eye level was the panel I had last seen Joanna in.
I already missed her. She had made this happen for me. In all my life I didn't think for a second that I'd really get to expierience this.
I walked up to the door and pressed my fingers in between the seams that made the outline. My digits squeezed in as far into the cracks of my cell as they could but all they met was more padding. Nothing to pick at. Certainly nothing to grasp.
My attention was drawn back to the panel and I explored it with my fingers the same way as I had the door. Same result. No chance. This cell was sealed. Honestly, I'd have been disappointed if it wasn't.
It was at this point I noticed another panel below the eye level one. It was wider and shorter than the first. Having seen jail cells I recognised a food delivery slot. I wondered when I would be fed and realised that I was actually hungry. I knew I was only here for a day but, they have to feed me, right? Common sense would suggest that as an inmate of the state they were obligated to keep me relatively healthy and alive.
Besides, Joanna was looking after me. I knew I was safe. Glancing around my small blue room I knew that if anything, I was safe. I shot a look at the black dome of the camera resting in the upper corner. If I was suffering, someone would know.
It occured to me Joanna could be watching me right now for all I knew. Perched at a monitor, ponytail high. Glasses resting a little severely on her nose. She was beautiful. I always thought that.
On that thought my mind snapped back to my reality. I was stark naked and alone in a small blue room. Out of interest I shoved a shoulder into the door. Not as hard as I could but I put a fair amount of my strength into it. It didn't give even remotely and I bounced off slightly. I didn't expect it to move really and looked at the camera again, feeling exposed. I was embarrassed at trying something so obvious. This was a room designed to keep someone safe from themselves. Bodily hitting the door was never going to work. I knew that when I agreed to this, that was somewhat the point. Here I was. Naked. And alone. Trapped in a cell with soft walls. The room was particularly small, now that I looked around and thought about it.
And then it dawned on me. This was it. This small blue cell is all I had now until I was let out. I could not escape if I wanted to. I was trapped. I was contained. I was just... here. Existing. I had nothing to do. Nothing to entertain myself with. Just me, alone with my thoughts and an ever encroaching sense of boredom. Joanna had orchestrated this experience for me. It is what I wanted. Now all I have are these four walls. Nothing else.
So, I did what anyone would do when they were given their dream event. I sat down, scooted myself into a corner of the room, wistfully looked around at my position and I masturbated. Beating it like a chimp in a corner I wanted to at least appreciate the moment. I looked up at the bare blue corners and walls and I brought myself to completion. Knowing I might be being watched made me hesitate for a while. I wasn't sure I liked knowing I might be observed at all times initially. It felt invasive, but eventually I reasoned to myself, who cares? I'm a crazy person, right? The whole experience of being severely strapped to a wheelchair, forcibly wheeled to my fate was far more than I ever expected to experience already and here I was. In a padded cell. The door was locked and I could not get out. This is what I had always wanted.
So I climaxed, alone in a soft blue room. I didn't look at the camera.
It wasn't a great orgasm. It felt forced. When I was done I was still in the same room. The mats on the wall remained. My cell had not changed. I was still trapped. Truth be told I was already extremely bored. There was no stimulation here. The reality of my situation occured to me again. This was it. This was all there was. Just these blank blue walls with seams. Nothing else. I began to feel a sinking sensation in my stomach. This might actually become a bit unbearable soon.
However, I figured it was only a day long experience and I must be at least half way through it. In a matter of time Joanna would come back and let me out, so I might as well enjoy it. This was exactly what I wanted. It wasn't entirely what I expected but I was in a real padded cell. Unable to escape. Alone but safe. Arguably safer than I'd been in my entire life.
I don't know how many hours passed. Bored and waiting, staring at nothing. It's impossible to tell. I pleasured myself occaisonally just to pass the time. It was something to do. I tried to sleep at one point but the burningly bright light beaming straight down onto me and the unusual surroundings made it impossibe. Also I had noticed my mind was being a bit hyperactive. Trying to occupy itself, I supposed.
Footsteps approached my door. I was startled at the sound initially as I had been sat in silence for hours, staring into space.
I was soul crushingly bored. Huddled in the corner, my hands concealing my nakedness I was excited for something, anything, to happpen. I looked up at the face panel expectantly. It didn't open. Instead the lower slot folded down into the hallway and a plastic tray with a small plastic bowl and a plastic cup with a straw sticking out of the top was sharply inserted into the room. It was the same shade of blue as the walls. Disappointed but hungry I stood and stepped to the door to take the tray. However when I went to lift it the tray remained solidly in place. I gave it a harder tug but it would not yield. So instead, I tried to pick up the bowl. This also didn't work as it was apparently affixed to the tray. It was at this point I realised the tray, bowl and cup were all part of the same moudled item. Even the straw was part of the cup.
Intrigued, I looked inside the bowl. It was full of chopped, boiled vegetables and a few chunks of meat. In the cup was water. There weren't any utensils to hand, I couldn't retrieve the bowl and by this point the smell of food no matter how bland looking made my stomach rumble. It appeared I was to eat the food with my hands while standing at the door. I consumed my paltry meal quickly and in silence. I ate and drank all that had been presented to me. I wasn't surprised at the quality of the food. I expect the people here get the bare minimum they are legally required to be given.
The food consumed I retook my spot in a corner facing the door and sat down. After some minutes the tray was pulled back out of the room and the slot closed.
Eventually, during a stimulating walk in a small circle, after who knows how long staring at nothing, I distantly heard a rythmic click that I recognised. Her heeled footsteps on the floor. Leading to my cell. They were muffled and faint but when everything was so silent they were unmistakable. I had been thinking of that sound for hours. Since she left and wished me good night.
The steady clicking grew louder and approached the door. I sat and shuffled myself to the middle of the opposite wall. I waited for the panel to open. I was so excited to see her face. It had only been hours but the cell did strange things to the mind. It felt like an age since I had seen her. Since I saw something that wasn't blue. Or domed and black.
Thankfully the panel opened and Joannas face appeared, her eyes scanning the cell before they landed on me. I could tell immediately she was in work mode. Her head was slightly tilted back in the frame of the panel. I was so happy to see her. The handful of hours I had spent in this blank cell suddenly felt like eons. She was here and I was safe.
I couldn't read her body language which felt unusual so I stood up and stepped towards her, my hands still covering my crotch. We'd been together for years, I believed I knew her so well and yet here I was with only her face to understand and I was unable to recognise anything in her expression.
I said hello, and took a step forwards, bringing my face closer to the open panel. She immediately stepped backward out of view. Chasing her face I stepped closer to the panel and peered through it. I could see some of the hallway outside. I couldn't see any other doors but then, from here, I couldn't see much at all.
Joanna had stepped behind a yellow line on the floor. From here I could see her in full. Her high pony tail, her glasses and those smart heeled shoes she was wearing when I got into the car with her so recently. In her hands was a clipboard and a pen. Her uniform was crisp, white, and professional. I could tell the yellow line she stood behind was further than my reach. I pulled my face away respectfully and asked how she was. I remembered the camera and my promise that I would behave.
Her shoulders squared, she lifted the clipboard she was holding closer to her face. Her eyes stayed pointed at the paper in front of her. Her pen hand raised up to the clipboard. She said in a formal tone "Hello Jacob, my name is Doctor Ardell and I am here for your post admission evaluation. How are you today?"
I responded that I was feeling extremely vulnerable, and that I'd never felt so helpless. I smiled as disarmingly as I could. I didn't want her to know how hard I was finding this. She'd taken many risks to make this happen for me. She glanced up for a moment over her glasses and looked back at the checklist in front of her. Maintaining the same tone she asked "Do you understand why you are here?"
I replied because she wanted me to be. Her head was downturned but I could see a flicker of a smile on her face. She scribbled on the paperwork she was holding. She cocked her head teasingly and said "No, Jacob, do you fully understand why you are here?"
At this point I became a bit concerned. She knew why I was here and I had answered her question. I asked what she meant as we both knew why I was here. Assertively she replied "No, Jacob. I don't know you. This is only our second time meeting. I understand that you struggle to understand what is real and what is not sometimes and I am here to help you during your stay here."
Confused again, I shot a nervous glace at the camera and lowered my voice. I asked what she meant. I'm going home later today. That's what we agreed upon. She took a slight step back and adopted a defensive looking pose. She looked up again and met my eyes firmly. That clinical look was there again. I realised I had become a little afraid of it. She jotted something down onto the clipboard and peered at me over her glasses once again. She said "Jacob, you know that is not true."
I was still confused more than anything. I could only assume this was part of the game. To make me think I was here longer than we planned. An extra thrill, I supposed. I knew I couldn't take much more of this empty boredom and I'd been here less than a day. Stuck in a box was less exciting than I expected. This was her job though, so if I knew the mental impact of such isolation, she knew just as well.
After I explained this to her emphatically she wrote more on the paper in front of her and snapped without looking up "Patient 2397, please step away from the door and rest your back onto the wall behind you." Surprised by her change in tone, and not being referred to by name, fake or not, I complied immediately and without thinking. She took a firm step forward and brought her face up to the panel once more. She studied me through the hole in the door for what felt an uncomfotable length of time. With nothing else to look at I simply stared back. I was still naked as the day I was born, exposed and vulnerable. I did my best to maintain my dignity and asked her directly what was going to happen to me.
Her eyes glanced at the white stains in the corner of the room. In a monotone she said "Well, first we're going to have to clean your room. She stepped back to scribble something on her clipboard and then placed her face back into the panel. "That sort of behaviour is unnacceptable Jacob, the staff here have more important things to be doing than cleaning up your filth."
I hung my head in shame and muttered quietly that I understood. I was a bit disappointed in myself now that attention had been brought to it. I'd been pleasuring myself at her work. She must have been internally completely embarrassed by me. I should have known better.
Her eyes came back to mine and she said formally "It appears you are in the midst of a delusional episode so I see nothing more to discuss until your mind is clearer. Our next appointment is scheduled for this time next week."
I recoiled and internally panicked. This didn't make any sense. This wasn't what we had discussed at all. I felt completely powerless. Nothing I could say would change anything, I realised. I had to just hope this was all some sort of mind game.
Then, suddenly, something in me snapped. The prospect of a whole week in here was too much. Unthinking I rushed towards the door blurting in a louder tone than I meant that she couldn't leave me here without her for that long. Please. This was too much. Don't leave me, I need her. I outstreched an arm to the panel in an attempt to touch her face. I needed some contact. Any contact. Some reassurance that this was still just a game. She immediately stepped back behind the yellow line and watched me intently. I reached through the panel, stretching as hard as I could. Grasping at the empty air inches away from her.
Her demeanor changed immediately. Her working posture melted away and for the first time since I arrived here I saw the Joanna I knew again. She smiled softly and wrote on her clipboard again. While scribbling away she said in what sounded like a genuinely happy tone "Jacob your violent tendencies are well documented. It's evident you cannot control your temper so measures will have to be taken for the safety of the staff."
I withdrew my arm. I didn't have anything left to say. My mind was chaos and I was speechless. I was utterly panicking.
Joanna stiffened up again, her professionallism returned. She leaned forward and ordered for me to return to the far wall of the room again. I couldn't think straight. Meek and defeated, I complied. One last time she brought her face to the panel and said with no emotion whatsoever "It was nice to meet you properly Jacob, I will be back in a week but do know that I will be monitoring you." She closed the panel, sealing me in my cushioned tomb once more.
As I heard the clicking of her heels dwindle in the hallway I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands. Tears came immediately. I sobbed freely. I think I was in shock. The last day or so had been a whirlwind of emotion and adrenaline and now that I thought about it every step had been completely outside of my control. Since I climbed into that van I hadn't had a say in anything at all. I felt so pathetic. I was so alone and now, I was afraid. How was I going to survive a week in this environment? This was too much. This must have been her plan from the beginning. It was never going to be just a day. She wanted me to truly feel what life like this would be like. I suppose I should be grateful but really, a whole week with nothing to do? It was too much.
My energy eventually waned and my sobbing stopped. I was back to staring into nothing again. Some time after, perhaps an hour or two, I had no way to know just how long, I heard multiple, heavier footsteps approaching my cell.
The footsteps reached my door and I heard voices outside mumbling to each other. The panel opened and a mans face appeared at the panel. His eyes scanned the cell and me and then disappeared. With the panel open I could hear their voices clearly. A mans voice said with a hint of disgust "We have another one."
Immediately after this was said a womans face that I didn't recognise appeared breifly and then also vanished. I felt like I was invisible. Or a piece of furniture. No acknowledgment was given to me. Just faces I didn't know appearing at the door, scanning the room with their eyes then going away again. I didn't say anythng. I had to behave. And besides, at least something was happening.
I heard the womans voice float through the door. She sounded like she was bored. "Yes, the file says this patient has a long history of sexual deviency and my notes here say apparently he tried to attack a doctor earlier today during their first meeting." A mans voice chimed in "Good start." She continued "Have either of you had time to read his file yet?" Two male voices replied that no, they had not.
The womans voice carried on. "Well be sure you do before the end of the day, this is a live one. Paranoid schizophrenic, compulsive liar and extremely violent. You should know exactly what you are dealing with. Some of the things this patient has done will affect your opinion of him, I ask you to do your jobs and remain professional. Right, then, lets get this done, we're needed upstairs."
With that the panel closed and the sound of the door lock clicked loudly. The door swung outwards into the corridor and two large intimidating men stepped in, looming over me from each side. Behind them a panel was slid onto the floor and the chair that brought me here was wheeled into the room. I noticed that under the hole in the seat a round pot had been attached. The woman behind it was wearing the same uniform as Joanna however hers was yellow, not white. The man on my left gestured an upturned hand to the chair and said in a firm voice "Get into the chair, please."
Not knowing what was going on I hesitated and didn't move. I didn't say anything. I looked up at the man speaking to me. He looked at the man on my right who met his gaze. They appeared to come to silent decision between themselves and at once both reached down and strongly inserted their arms under my armpits, forcibly lifting me from the floor to my feet.
Instinctively I resisted. Shoving my body weight between them trying to untangle myself from their arms. The man on my right chirped "Here we go." Both of them tensed and placed their other hands on my shoulders, pinning me between them. In a practised maneuver they lifted me off my feet, turned me around and bodily pushed me onto the chair. Before I could react both my wrists were grabbed and my arms were forced into place. A strap was pulled taut over my wrists on each side. While they applied the remaining arm straps I continued to struggle, pushing my feet on the floor I lifted my body from the chair and thrashed my weight around as hard as I could. From behind me the woman wrapped the chest strap around my body and yanked it taut as well, pulling my body back into the chair. The men swiftly applied the straps over my thighs. I was bound to the chair again. All I could so was shuffle slightly left and right while I kicked from my knees but that lasted only moments as the rest of the straps were applied, binding my legs and feet to the seat. As soon as I could feel my feet pinned to the chair the fight left me and I stopped wrestling with my bonds. It was obvious I couldn't resist in any meaningful way. The stomach and head straps were secured completing my bondage and I was wheeled helplessly backwards out of the room.
Unable to turn my head I could only flit my eyes back and forth as I tried to see as much of the corridor as I could. When I was last here I was drugged and my memories of it were foggy. It was short with only 3 identical doors on the side I could see including mine, with mine in the middle. Above my door was a green light. Above the others was a red light. To the right the corridor ended with a wall after the next door. To my left I could just see the elevator I was brought down in. I was turned away from the elevator and faced the wall at the end of the corridor. Now I could see one more door on my right towards the end. One of the men walked ahead and opened the door on the right. This one operated with a simple sliding lock on the outside and looked less crafted than the door to my cell. Heavy metal plates and round rivets were driven into the frame.
Panicking again, unsure what was about to happen to me I strained against my bonds. The men had not been as gentle as Joanna and the straps were tighter than I remembered them being the last time I was restrained this way. Again, not painful but I could feel pressure gripping my body all over.
My struggles were ignored and I was wheeled ahead to the door. Turning in I calmed down immeditately, relief washing over me. I relaxed in my bonds, heart still pounding but slowing. On the wall to the left was a grey metal sink. On the right in the far corner was a matching toilet. The rest of the room was empty. The walls, ceiling and floor were mercifully white and there were no windows. In the center of the ceiling was another security camera, its red light was glowing. It was only a bathroom.
I was pushed further into the room and was parked in the center. Head pinned into a straight posture I was staring at a blank white wall. Behind me the womans voice declared "Bathroom break. Make the most of it. You wont be having another until tomorrow."
I waited for the straps to be released, assuming I would be locked in the bathroom to do my business. Instead I heard the woman leave the room and slam the metal door behind me. It appeared I was to empty myself as I was. Thankfully this was a position and mindset I had been trained in over the last year. Joanna had repeated our first experience with the strait jacket countless times and the more I did it the easier it had become. I closed my eyes, sighed, and relaxed myself. It didn't take long for me to be done.
It did, however, take quite a while for me to be collected. I was still bored and alone but the change in bondage was at least a break in the monotony. My main complaint was the smell wafting up from under me only grew more unpleasant as time passed.
Finally, the lock shunted open behind me and the door groaned as it was opened. One of the men appeared ahead of me to my left. He was wearing a plastic disposable apron, a disposable surgical mask and rubber gloves. From a pocket he produced a packet of wet wipes and placed them on the side of the sink. He stepped behind me and I felt and heard the pot being slid away from under me. He stepped ahead of me in silence and deposited the contents into the toilet. He placed the bowl in the sink and stepped behind me again. After hearing some fumbling from behind me I jerked suddenly against the straps as I felt something cold and wet be roughly scrubbed against my anus. After a minute or so he finished cleaning me and threw the used wipes into the toilet as well. He walked in front of me pulling more wipes from the packet in his hand.
I looked up at him as he leaned in and started wiping down my body. He avoided any eye contact. I looked down again, I didn't want to antagonise him. He was not gentle. I was scrubbed somewhat painfully from the top of my forehead to the end of my feet. No words were spoken. My skin was stinging slightly when he was done, paricularly around my eyes and the head of my penis. There must have been some sort of sanitising chemical in the wipes.
Finished, he threw the used wipes into the toilet and flushed it. The sink tap was run briefly and a paper disposable bowl was held under my chin. The chinstrap was relesed. With the band over my forehead still it didn't give me any more mobility than I had before except I could now open my mouth. A toothbrush was held in front of my lips. I lowered my jaw obediently. My teeth were brushed roughly. It scratched my gums and was quite painful. When he was done he held the bowl under my mouth. I spit. I'm pretty sure I saw blood. My mouth was wiped clean and the chin strap was promptly reapplied.
He stepped behind me, turned me around and pushed me back into the hallway. I was wheeled left back to my door and my heart sank as I realised I was going back into my blue cell. The woman in the yellow uniform was waiting outside on the left side of the corridor. As I was turned back into my cell I saw the second man standing inside. In his hands was something I immediately recognised. A straight jacket.
It was identical to the one I had purchased for myself. On reflection I imagine I surprised them when I was asked confrontationally by the man "Are we gonna have a problem?" I looked down and meekly twitched my head as much as I could to indicate no. The truth was, I was happy to see it. It was something familair. Something I knew. There was a comfort in the garment that I hadn't appreciated properly before. He grunted in affirmation and nodded his head to the man behind me. I was jostled around slightly as one by one the straps were loosened and removed. The man in front of me unfolded and turned the jacket towards me to present the sleeves for my arms. I obediently stood up, knowing I was being watched closely for any sign of trouble, and outstretched my arms to insert them into the jacket.
The men were gentler than they had been with the chair, presumably because I was behaving. In a matter of moments I was snugly held in a permanent self hug. The feel of the jacket against my skin was soothing. It made me feel closer to Joanna. I solemnly reminded myself how grateful I was to her for allowing me to experience this.
The first item of clothing that I'd been allowed since I first entered this room now fastened, hands were placed on my shoulders and I was firmly turned to face the wall opposite the door. As this was done the man ordered "Patient 2397 turn to face the wall and remain there until the door is closed." Knowing I didn't have any other option I obeyed, resting my forehead into the cushioning of the wall. The door thudded closed behind me and the lock mechanically clicked in place once again.
I turned around. Without my hands and arms to balance myself walking on the squishy flooring proved a little challenging and I wobbled slightly as I tried to orient myself. The corner of my cell had been cleaned and the stains were gone. Everything else was exactly as I had left it. I leaned backwards into the wall and slowly collapsed to the floor. I was bored already but at least I got to wear the jacket.
More hours passed. Most of the time I spent sat on the floor only occaisionally getting up to stretch my legs by walking in a circle around the room, occasionally bumping myself into the walls and bouncing off slightly. No reason, just because. I was so bored. It was maddening.
I reasoned it must be into the evening by now. I had no real idea of the time but I was getting hungry again. Almost as if my mind had been read I heard footsteps at my door again. Dinner time appeared to be indentical to lunch time. The same moulded tray was inserted through the slot and the same food was in the bowl. Only water in the cup. With my arms pinned to me consuming my meal was tricky. Bending over I had to plant my face into the bowl, sucking up chunks and lapping them up with my tongue, like a pig at a trough. It made a bit of a mess but since there was no sauce to speak of it wasn't so bad. The water was at least easy to acquire with the straw.
As before I sat back down and the tray was pulled away, the slot closing behind it. After some time passed the light went out and I was plunged into total darkness except for the glowing red dot in the corner of the ceiling. A reminder that I was still being watched. With a soft thud I lay down onto my side and turned away from it.
One day down. Six to go. At least I couldn't see blue.
6. One week
The hardest part of this experience so far was remaining calm. The next day was identical to the day before it but with one very noticeable difference. It was completely apparent the staff now despised me. At first I didn't understand the difference in their behaviour towards me. While they were firm on the first day they were at least providing me with instructions. Now, I havent had a word spoken to me in days. They arrive silently. I am grabbed and manhandled into the chair. More than once the straps have been pulled too tight during my bathroom breaks, resulting in painful wrists and ankles. When I'm cleaned they are even rougher than they were the first time. By the time they're done I am sore and my skin is red. Also I swear I'm getting less food than I did before.
I havent resisted once since that first time and yet they still bodily shove me around. Grabbing me by the wrists and forcing them into the straight jacket. Lifting me up and roughly forcing me into the chair. Over and over. They aren't cruel. They don't beat me, but I don't think I've been given the opportunity to resist anything even if I wanted to. Their guard is permanently up and I am made to feel like an inconvenience to their day.
It has taken every ounce of my willpower to remain totally compliant. A very large part of me wants to shout and swear at them. I want to demand they treat me like a human being, not some sort of animal that must be kept alive out of obligation.
And then, on day four, it finally sunk in what was going on. What exactly was on the file they were told to read? What had I "done" to deserve such derision from the the people whose job it was to care for me? I supposed it didn't matter. The week was almost over and I would be going home soon. I had to do as Joanna had me promise and behave.
Once I had a sense of the routine of life here the boredom became easier to manage. I knew what to expect and roughly when to expect it. I still had no way of telling exactly what time it was. The days bled into each other. I have spent ninety percent of my time aimlessley pacing in my cell or staring into oblivion. Three times a day food was delivered through the slot and between the second and third meal I was forcibly taken to the bathroom to relieve myself bound to the chair.
I missed Joanna terribly. The day of her return had arrived and I could not wait. At least I was relatively certain it was today. It was becoming harder to keep track of what day it was as every day was identical to the last. I was desperate to be out of there. This was nothing like what I had imagined. I don't know what I imagined, truthfully, but I knew this was not it. The steady unbearable monotony was destroying me. I was woefully depressed and terribly lonely. I needed to go home and put myself back together so I could reclaim my name and sense of identity. I needed my life back. Joanna was correct when she said it's not much of a life here. I havent seen daylight since I arrived. I havent had use of my arms the whole time since I first let them jacket me. Jacket, chair. Chair, jacket. Every day. Over and over. I have permanently been in bondage for a whole week. I missed simple things, like being able to scratch and itch, or brush my own teeth.
A while after my second feeding I finally heard footsteps again. It felt too soon be my bathroom break so I was alarmed when they weren't the clicking heels of Joannas heels. It had to be her though, this week had been so difficult. I was damn proud of myself for keeping it together and I couldn't wait for her to tell me how proud she was of me. I clumsily rested my back to the wall and shakily pushed myself up with my legs into a standing position. I shuffled over to the middle of the room facing the door.
The panel opened and it was not Joanna. I did not recognise this woman. She stepped back behind the yellow line and gestured with a hand for me to step forward. I did and got a better look. Her uniform was white. Her hair was down, resting on her shoulders. She was wearing flats. She brandished the same clipboard Joanna had the previous week. I asked who she was and where was Joanna?
Without looking up from the notes in front of her she replied cordially "Good afternoon Jacob, I am Doctor Louison. Doctor Ardell has been called away today. She will be present for your review next week."
I was stunned. Next week? No. No, no, no. I demanded to see Joanna. She snapped "You will refer to your Doctor as Doctor Adler, Jacob. If you continue to show such disrespect then I will no longer do you the courtesy of calling you by name in the future." I laughed sardonically and declared that Jacob isn't even my name and she didn't know what she was talking about. She appeared nonplussed and wrote on the clipboard. I could hear the words "compulsive liar" ringing in my ears. It dawned on me nothing I said was going to be heard by these people. No amount of reasoning could affect anything that happened to me. Nothing I said, or did, would change a single thing. I was completely and utterly powerless. This woman had said I'd see Joanna next week. Next week?! Just how long was I supposed to do this for her? And it was for her. It stopped being for me after day one.
I lost my patience and my temper. Bound in a strait jacket or no, after a week of doing everything I've been told to despite being treated like an animal, despite the utter contempt I had received, I was going to let my thoughts known. I screamed at her that I wasn't supposed to be there. I was not who they thought I was. I knew I was breaking my promise but my rage and deep sense of betrayal at Joannas absense blinded me to anything resembling rational thought. I shouted until I was hoarse. I bellowed that this is wrong, this is cruel and inhumane.
At this she glanced up and spat with unsubtle disapproval "Under the circumstances patient 2397, and at the risk of being unprofessional, I would argue that we can all agree your treatment here is far more humane than you deserve."
The words pierced my rage and with dawning horror I came to realise something that hadn't occured to me until now. I may not get out of here at all. With this revelation burning through my mind I howled in rage and defiance. I began kicking the door as hard as I could without toppling over. I slammed my head into the wall. It changed nothing but I had a week of misery and frustration to vent and it all came pouring out of me at once.
In response this horrible woman stood up and stepped out of sight to the side of the door. The panel slammed shut. It appeared our conversation was over but I wasn't done. I'd had enough. No more. I was not going to comply. I was not going to be treated this way a moment further. Something primal had appeared in me. An instictive desire to rebel. I was not going to follow their rules a moment longer. I looked at the camera, fury pounding in my head. I did the only thing I could think to do. I turned around and bared my behind at the camera, squatted down and emptied my bladder and bowels right then and there. With the crotch strap in place it made an awful mess. The metaphorical middle finger given I felt a rush of power I hand't felt since I came to this damned place. I felt dizzy with glee at my accomplishment and for the first time in a week I felt empowered. Then, unexpectedly, for the first time in days I felt aroused. I couldn't use my hands but I was damned if I wasn't going to ruin their day as much as I could. I dropped to my knees and fell flat forward. I dry humped the floor vigorously until I was done.
Panting and exhausted I stayed where I was. Laying face down in a a pool of my own filth. Fuck them. And fuck Joanna.
It felt like less than a minute before I heard multiple footsteps running twoards my cell. I guess my display was being monitored after all. Good to know.
The lock released and the door opened. I immediately began kicking. Flailing my legs wildly in their direction, aiming for any face that dared come close. One man lunged forward, placed his large and coarse hands just above my knees and pinned my legs to the floor. I writhed and screamed. My head was pounding and my throat was horrifically painful but I didn't care. No more. No. More.
Another man inserted himself behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders to try and hold the rest of me in place. Seeing an opportunity I lunged at him and sank my teeth into his arm. Hard. He shouted in pain but his grip didn't loosen. The doctor that wasn't Joanna entered the room with a syringe in her hands. I thrashed as much as I could but I wasn't accomplishing anything. She leaned down and quickly stuck me with the needle. With one last howl I shuddered, resentment coarsing through me and then my strength left me all at once. I stopped struggling. My eyelids became overwhelmingly heavy. I blacked out.
The next period of time is more unclear than the night of my arrival. I don't know how long it had been. I have brief flashes of memory of being laid on my back, my arms down my sides. As I drifted in and out of conciousness I realised I was restrained to the bed. Straps covered me from top to bottom. It was very close to being in the chair, I was just on my back pinned flat, including my head, instead of sitting. People would come and go and discuss things as if I wasn't there. I think I saw Joanna there at one point, exchanging something with another doctor. I don't remember anythng that was said. There was an IV line in my hand hooked up to a drip bag. I also have no idea what they put inside me. Eventually a woman in a yellow uniform injected something into the IV feed and I blacked out entirely again.
When I next woke up I was back in my cell but things were very different. The room was the same but there had been additions made to my restraints and there was something uncomfortable in my right nostril, blocking it, running down the back of my throat. It hurt to swallow. In my right nostril a solid tube had been inserted to the back of my sinuses maintaining a steady airflow.
I had been placed sitting with my back against the wall facing the door. My legs were in front of me but now, as well as the straight jacket, they had been wrapped in a thick canvas sheet with buckles running down underneath. Solid poles ran down the sides of each leg, sewn into the canvas, preventing me from bending my knees. Even if I could manage to stand myself up in this get up I would only immediately fall over. No more pacing the cell for me.
There was a padded senstaion around my crotch between my legs that wasn't uncomfortable but it was ususual. After shuffling myself side to side a bit to get a sense of it I understood that I had been diapered. No more bathroom breaks either.
Lastly, I could feel straps around my head attached to a thick leather panel that was covering and pressing onto my mouth. The buckles of the muzzle were pulled in such a way that I could not open my jaw. Inside my mouth my tongue could feel that my teeth were coated in a rubber mouth guard and were being firmly pressed together.
My scalp felt cold and I could feel the straps of the muzzle pressing into the skin of my head. My hair had been shaved off completely. I tried not to think of that and what it might mean. It'll grow back once I'm out.
I sat there unable to move and stared at the door. It was literally all I could do. What little freedom I had, had been taken away. I had taken so much for granted and now it was all gone.
Eventually, after a long and unknown amount of time had passed I finally heard it. The click of her heels approaching.
At last, she was coming to save me. She was going to take me home and this whole sorry business will be chalked up to experience and we'll get on with our lives. I had to have hope. I was safe with her.
The panel opened and her face appeared before me. I had never seen anything so beautiful. Despite everything, I smiled behind my muzzle. She was herself, not wearing her mask of professionlism and she smiled back. I heard a male voice asking if she wanted assisstance to which she turned away from the door and said "No, thank you. He's been restrained as I ordered. You can go back upstairs." I heard foot steps drift away down the corridor as she turned back and smiled again with a warmth I had missed so much.
The lock opened and the door swung out into the corridor. Joanna stepped into my cell and pulled the door slightly closed but didn't latch. She was holding a small box. The man was gone. We were alone.
Except we weren't and she reminded me of this by looking up behind her towards the camera. I also looked up and followed her gaze. After a moment the red light turned off. The camera was no longer watching.
With this, she sighed happily and turned back to face me. I wriggled foolishly in my restraints giving a small pitiful groan. She smirked and said "So, yesterday I was ordered to drop what I was doing and come back to the institute. Apparently my new patient was having an uncontrollable rage episode and I was needed to advise on how to proceed." She stepped to my left beside me and sat down placing the box beside her. Pushing her hands into the floor she gave the cushioning a test of its buoyancy. "Comfy." she quipped.
She placed a hand onto my thigh. Her presence was intoxicating. I had missed her so much. I could feel myself become aroused from this simple gesture alone. Stroking her hand up and down my wrapped up thigh she mused "You know, considering how insistent you were on being here I expected it to take at least another week for you to break." I broke eye contact and looked away in shame.
She lifted her hand from my thigh, reached out and placed it on my cheek, gently turning my head to face her again. "Don't feel bad David, honestly I'm glad it was sooner. I was growing impatient. I'd been watching you languish in here for a week and you were being so well behaved. I was beginning to wonder if this would work at all."
I raised an eyebrow. I couldn't speak through the muzzle, all I could give was a questioning grunt. She continued "Well, I needed you to give me reason to follow through." Her eyes ran up and down my body, greedily drinking in the sight of me bound and completely helpless. "This is a very good look for you David." She grinned. "You've made me so happy." With this she pulled out a rubber glove from her pocket, slid it over her hand and reached into my diapered crotch. No lube was to hand but it wasn't needed. Her smell, her eyes and smile were more than enough. Her being here in the room with me encased in canvas head to toe and totally incapacitated was indescribable in how arousing it was. She worked my shaft methodically, watching every twitch of my face as she did so. Her speed increased and I began thrusting in time with her. Very quickly I exploded in her hand. Everything was contained in my padding. No mess this time.
It was as powerful as that first time a year ago. Moreso, even. I writhed like a worm in my bindings. Moaning softly behind my muzzle. The pleasure overwhelmed me as I convulsed with ecstasy. This was what I wanted. This was what I needed.
She pulled her hand out and removed the glove, pulling it inside out and placing it back in her pocket. She looked at me and smiled. She said "I think now that you are as safe as I can possibly make you it's time I tell you what's going to happen from here on out, now that you can't hurt yourself in any way."
I gave a noise of agreement. I needed to know when I was going home. She cupped my face in her hands and said with genuine pleasure "David this last week has been amazing for me. Every hour of every day I've known that you're in here waiting for me. I've routinely stopped by your monitor and just... watched." She placed her hand back onto my thigh. "Knowing you're here, captured and safe, if I've ever felt sad or stressed I've just thought of you, stuck in this box, suffering just for me, and it makes everything feel instantly better. Thank you."
My eyes widenend. The word "suffering" was said positively dripping with lust and my brain was reeling from what was being said to me. All I could do was give a pathetic whimper. She reached back into her pocket and this time produced another syringe. I began to tremble and twitch uselessly against the jacket and leg sleeve. I didn't want to be sedated again. I was afraid she wouldn't be here when I woke up. She placed a hand on my shoulder and rolled me onto my side. I felt the needle pierce my left buttock and cold fluid streamed into my flesh. She pulled me back up to a sitting position. I waited for the grogginess to begin but it never came.
She leaned in towards me so her nose was an inch from my ear and wrapped her arms around my immobile body. She whispered "That was the last orgasm you will ever have David. In light of your behaviour when you first arrived and the events of the other day I've decided the best course of action to prevent further outbursts is to prescribe you a monthly Depo injection. I've just castrated you. In a short time you will be unable to become aroused at all, or ever again, for that matter."
I mewled pathetically through my muzzle, I wasn't making sense of any of this. What was going on?
She pulled away and rested her hands in her lap. "David the documents you signed were not admission papers, they were a confession. A confession that has been back dated by years and fed into the system here. On record, you are a monster." She gave a short laugh and said "Women and children David, how could you? In many other states you'd be on death row. Lucky for you we are merciful here. You can never be allowed back into society after your crimes but you will be kept here, alone and safe. For me. Forever."
I felt ice in my chest. Freezing terror. I was beginning to understand.
She was stroking herself gently down her arms and gave a soft moan of pleasure as she watched the fear spread over my face. "That's right, David. You're mine now. For the rest of our lives." I began to quietly sob. It was too late. There was nothing I could do. The worst part was, I had done this to myself, and she knew it.
She opened the box and pulled out yet another syringe, however this one was comically oversized and had no needle. It was filled with a thick, cream coloured fluid. Popping the plunger out of it she said "I'm officially here to medicate you and feed you. By the way, biting that member of staff was more than I could have asked for. Your days of solid food are behind you." She held the wide open end of the syringe under her mouth and spat in it. Replacing the plunger she reached to my face and pinched whatever was hanging out of my nose between her fingers. "So a part of me will be with you after I'm gone." she said as she attached the syringe and pressed the plunger in. My stomach immediately felt cold. She was injecting the fluid straight down past my throat, depositing it directly into my stomach. My belly distended slightly as my "meal" was forced inside my body.
When it was empty she disconnected the nozzle from my feeding tube and placed the empty syringe back in the box. She turned her attention back to me. Tapping a finger on the box she said "You've been prescribed minor sedatives with your food for every meal from this day forward. They wont affect you as harshly as the others you've experienced but give it a week and I don't imagine there will be much fight left in you. I'm also exploring the logistics of having you fitted with a colostomy bag and urinary catheter. It will be more efficient than staff having to change your diaper multiple times a day. The wonderful thing about this arrangement is I get to decide everything that happens to your body. If it were possible to have your limbs amputated, I would." She laughed "I think I might get away with having your vocal chords clipped though."
She stood up, brushed herself down and continued "I've recommended you stay in these restraints at all times. Muzzle included. I've already put in an official request to have your teeth pulled just to be doubly sure you can't harm yourself or anyone else in any way again. That should be approved within the week. When basic body maintenence is required that involves releasing you, you are to be fully sedated. You will fall asleep in this room in your restraints and you will wake up in exactly the same way. Every single day. Forever."
She stooped to bring her face closer to mine. All I could do was sit there in my forever bondage and look up at her pitifully. She smiled again and said "You've made me so happy David. Know that I will always be thinking of you." She inclined a finger to the camera "And you never know, sometimes I might be be watching. I'm looking into if I can have your camera feed connected to my laptop so I can watch you at home whenever I want."
She picked up the box and turned to leave. Sounding a bit morose she explained "This is the second time I've done this. Unfortunately security at my previous workplace was lax and she managed to take the only way out she could. I couldn't keep her safe from herself. So, as soon as I saw what this place could provide I began looking for a replacement." Her mood brightened "And then I met you. You are perfect for me. I am going to make absolutely certain you are as safe from the world outside and yourself as is physically possible. I will never, ever give you the chance to make one more single choice for yourself. I will keep you protected, I promise."
She pushed the door open and took a half step through. She turned back. Her look was clinical and terrifying. There was something new in her eyes I had never seen before in all our time together. Something deranged. "And now, to avoid any further chance of something going wrong I will be taking a less hands on approach. It's been agreed that your weekly interviews are a waste of time so I don't know when you'll see me again. But know this David, I will see you. I caught you. You are mine now. As far as you're concerned you will never leave this room again for as long as you live. Good bye, David."
I don't know if it was the drugs already working their way into my system of if I had simply just been broken mentally but I couldn't respond. I didn't move. I didn't make a sound. I only watched as she stepped out of the cell. The door closed behind her. The lock snapped. The light went out and I was plunged back into complete darkness. The red LED of the camera came back on. I listened to the sound of her heels clicking as she walked away.
I don't know how long it's been as I lost track of time ages ago, but I do know I haven't seen her in months at least.